Following Christ · Self-Love

Frustrated For Purpose

I’ve heard the sermons, seen the posts, but nothing seems to manifest. I know I have a purpose. I know there is something He wants me to do, but what? My hands are in so many pots, trying so many different recipes, but nothing is ever finished. I get a vision or start a project and no one ever sees it. At times, I feel like I’m going about it all wrong. I take my eyes off the mission and start looking at everyone else and their personal ministry growing. Then the envy kicks in. Next, the shame, then the “oh well” moment where I decide to pick up in few days when I’m done pouting.

Lately, I’ve wondered if maybe God has a purpose that may require a little discomfort. Maybe the reason so many projects aren’t finished is because I’m working on the wrong ones. Isn’t true ministry the sacrifice and passion you put into helping others? Won’t true ministry cause a little discomfort as the enemy tries to tell you “It aint for you”?

When the water starts to boil you know it’s almost ready. Maybe, just maybe my tears and pain have boiled for so long, God is telling me to take the pot off the stove and share what has marinated to perfection.

It’s time to open up & speak truth. For so long I have hid in the shadows and did a poor job at fake smiles. I told myself it wasn’t time to testify on everything because I wasn’t ready. I believed that my testimonies would come back void because I’m not yet fully healed. I asked myself, “How can I help others when I’m still broken?”

We all have purpose. And sometimes that purpose is to minister by sharing our stories. Romans 10:13 says that everyone who calls on the name Jesus will be saved. And we have to remember this won’t mean calling on him will make all things perfect.

1 Peter 3  14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear or be disturbed, 15 but honor the Messiah as Lord in your hearts. Always be ready to give a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you.

I’m coming to the Lord as I am. I am coming to him to let him use me. I have faith that in this process my testimony of depression and all that comes with it, will be used to aid in my healing, and help others to be free from it as well.

Follow me on my journey to healing. Videos and future posts to come…


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