Who I was, Who I am: Thoughts of Emeli Sande Songs

Who I Was:

Emeli Sande’s song “Clown” brings me to reality… I’ve always felt like instead of boosting me up, taking my side, those around me used me as entertainment. Those that were miserable and unhappy in their lives brought down my mood, or self image, because they knew they could.

Instead of returning their opinions I held on to them and let them determine who I was, how I’d act, or how much I’d shut down. I’d then create a solace place for just me and my thoughts. I smiled, ignored it, and never stood up for myself. Each instance only showed them they could get away with it because they knew I wouldn’t fight back..

Clown By Emeli Sande
I’ll be your clown
Behind the glass
Go ‘head and laugh ’cause it’s funny
I would too if I saw me
I’ll be your clown
On your favourite channel
My life’s a circus-circus round in circles
I’m selling out tonight
from the distance my choice is simple
from the distance I can entertain
So you can see me I put make up on my face
But there’s no way you can feel it from so far away


Who I Am:

Hearing Emeli sande’s song “Read All About It” couldn’t have been heard at a better time. This is my life story.  worrying about saying something wrong was just a part of it. I worried that who I was was wrong. Never accepted,  fake friends, stabbing and chatting behind my back. Offering opinions that were not requested: about my decisions, the way I dress, eat, and just the way I am period. So over the years I created a box. stayed in, and never shared with the world any talents I thought I had. Those close to me that would laugh only stifled my self-love even more. Not really sure where I went wrong, but I am now GETTING IT RIGHT! Emeli Sande’s words touched me. She put into lyrics how I feel.

Read All About It By Emeli Sande
You’ve got the words to change a nation
But you’re biting your tongue
You’ve spent a lifetime stuck in silence
Afraid you’ll say something wrong
If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song?
So come on, come on
Come on, come on
 You’ve got a heart as loud as lions
So why let your voice be tamed?
Maybe we’re a little different
There’s no need to be ashamed
You’ve got the light to fight the shadows
So stop hiding it away
 Come on, come on
I wanna sing, I wanna shout
I wanna scream ’til the words dry out
So put it in all of the papers,
I’m not afraid
They can read all about it
Read all about it, oh 

This is my new mantra, motto, affirmation, or whatever you want to call it. No longer worried what people think. I am who I am. No longer afraid. Ready to share with the world what God has created me to be. I end with a previous post… a new poem…

Beautifully Free

Tired of pretending, smiling as if it doesn’t hurt

Trying not to cry took a lot of work

Allowed you all to mold me, becoming something that I’m not

Which is fearful, ashamed, and easily taunt

Accepted opinions instead of thrown them away

Created a hole, empty, shallow enough for air, and colorlessly grey

Force fed by your approval, confidence devoured, all of me erased

Picked every small piece as words were spat in my face

Nothing ever right, just a shell, walking along

No place for me, every puzzle piece was wrong

My routine for so long, till the hole rejected me

You don’t belong here, theres something you should see

A world meant for you, and all of your wonderful beauty

A canvas to paint your colors, loud colors completely consuming

A dance floor meant only for your feet

The world an instrument to play, as others take a seat

My life feels half over, and I’m tired of wasting time

I want to be who I am, only making decisions that are mine

Fighting back by speaking out and loving who I’ve become

Living beautifully free – capturing an existence undone.

Patricia Marie 14’


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