So I wrote this “why me” type of poem this morning and then read my morning devotional called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young.
God kinda knocked me on the side of the head and said “CHILL OUT. I GOT YOU.” So many times we question God asking WHY ME? I prayed this morning this very question. Wondering why things were the were that they are and have begged God to tell me what I need to do in the meantime. I’m still trying to learn to hear his voice but I believe his answer was to simply bask in his love, learn his word, and just CHILL. Even though I’m ashamed of my morning pity party, I still can say i wrote and awesome poem! (lol)
there’s no song written so I have to write my own
and list the many questions as we are here alone.
have I not prayed hard enough, are the words not right?
I see this valley with no mountain in sight.
I’ve prayed instead of envied as I heard once before
but still I’m here in the hall and have no key to any door
I rather have it one way or another. straight up or straight down
the roller coaster seems a bit shaky, taking turns no ending bound
I’ve erased the autobiography and given rights of the rewrite over to you
but checking in daily i still see blank pages and wonder where will you be through.
left in an empty room to take a test and my proctor has disappeared
Entrusted me to complete the assignment but cheating I fear.
My study habits are sub par and I copy the notes of others
Maybe I’m in the wrong class, just don’t get it, everyone else is further.
I’m a student, held back, and feeling pretty stupid
so much homework put off, I rather someone else just do it.
so I can sit in the back of class and act a fool
to get my attention, and pretend to be cool.
but deep down inside, I’m smarter, and know it’s wrong
and ready to grow up because I’ve been in the same grade too long.
I wont switch up the words and make this a happy ending
these are my thoughts, my heart, wrecked and in need of mending.
Patricia Marie 2013